you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
