Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
