Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
