Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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