the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Less talking, more tequila
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life