I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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