Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?