you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.