Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?