genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.