whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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