I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Vodka?
Forever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
