R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid