I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm