erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals