Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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