We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Randomize
