buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
