shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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