Will you blow on my dice?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
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