party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
