Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
