how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she pinky promised me she was 18
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
