dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Come share oat with me in your robe
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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