Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
