What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize