Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
one two three fourrrrnication!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize