So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize