i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Michael Bay diarrhea
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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