Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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