roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
