Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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