Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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