Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
