After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
