TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
