I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
