Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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