ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
