so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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