weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
