Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
