Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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