first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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