I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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