hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
