I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
