Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
