I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
