Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
