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Fuck
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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