I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
