all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize