So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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