I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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