one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
