we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
