I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm passing your future prison.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
