I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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