i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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