dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
