Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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