I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
