I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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