You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
