i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
